I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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