billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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