I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
