hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
