a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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