It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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