I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
