Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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