Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
