The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My balls are so social today.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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