Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
