Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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