I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize