I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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