Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
