Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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