I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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