And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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