His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
