i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize