No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
