It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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