When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
