garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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