i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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