you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing