i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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