just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
