and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
