I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
