fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night