Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
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I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies