if you like me you must not know who I am
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
They have beer where we have blood.