hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So many bounce houses so little time
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
