I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
