I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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