my sisters under your porch take her home
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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