I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
