i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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