sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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