so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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