bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
