just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
