Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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