your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
