the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
