the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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