Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
