You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
