Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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