im drinking this country out of the recession.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
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I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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