I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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