It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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