All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
