Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
