ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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