They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
