I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
