Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
