I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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