let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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