I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
