I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
