Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
