I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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