Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
