he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Congratulations! We have a period
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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