finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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