Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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