sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
