I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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