Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
