So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
