I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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