they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
