Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
