he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.