Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
