first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
