Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Randomize
