i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
