I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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