I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
